How to cultivate self-love.

“Who are you? “, “tell me about yourself “. Those were phrases I dreaded with passion. I loved meeting new people and hearing their story but Iwas always left me drained and depressed after having to answer those questions. Why?
Because asking me to tell you about myself meant me having to go through the rehearsal of telling what people wanted to hear. I had to appear amazing and I didn’t see myself like that in any way.

I figured I did not love myself enough to know myself, even my likes and dislikes. I was a stranger to my own self. Having to talk about myself was like writing an exam on a course I have never studied.

In my journey to self-discovery, I came to understand the need to love myself. These were the things I did in my quest to finding, falling in love and loving myself. (I am still on the journey and it’s a constant and conscious effort but grace abounds.)

READ ALSO: BEAUTIFULLY MADE. Dealing With Insecurities.


8 steps to self-love.

1. I sought identity.
In order to know myself, I needed to have an identity, and having a family and bearing their surname wasn’t enough. I needed to belong. Identity to me was blurred. I needed to see myself for who I was. I found an identity after a long search. Not in myself but in Christ.

It’s beautiful and I can’t fully explain it but my identity was and is in Christ. I am loved, I am His and he is mine. His, that is my identity. I did not have to be anything extra, he was enough, he has made me whole. Knowing and accepting that I am a child of God helped me to fight against identity crisis and win. Now I know I do not have to be good or loving, he is all I can’t be and is enough for us.

2. I forgave myself.
I would beat myself up for the mistakes I had done in the past and even for those I would commit in the future. That left me hating the very thought of me. It wasn’t pleasant thinking about myself. I learned to forgive myself.

I forgave myself for mistakes of the past and moved on. I still make mistakes but I learn from them and tell myself it’s okay.

3. Ascertained my likes and dislikes.
Whenever we meet new people, we ask them what their likes and dislikes are. I did that with myself. I asked and looked within myself for answers and although it wasn’t like that of other people, I was okay.

It was okay to be different. I found new things I like each day and I embrace them as well as things I don’t like.

4. Sought out concepts I had about myself.
I grew with so many conceptions about myself. I carefully viewed all of the concepts I had about my self and those that were not worth having about self, I let them go.

I rewrote what I wanted in my life and made them my truth. This was hard because its roots were deep but the holy spirit helped and is still working in me.

5. Accepted myself.
Why I started having natural hair is so funny now that I think about but God had a purpose. Going natural meant having to spend so many hours in the mirror fixing my hair. It wasn’t only my hair that got time but I had time to stop and look at myself in the mirror. I had to look straight into the mirror and see all the flaws I hated every day. With time, I grew to love what I see.

For the first time, I was seeing me through my own eyes and not that of others. I accepted me for me, all of me.

6. Did things that made me feel good and became intentional with myself.
I had spent most of my early days doing things to please others, even if that meant sacrificing my own happiness. I was following the gospel of loving my neighbors but I skipped the part that said, “as yourself”.

In my journey to loving myself, I did things I would do to my friends I knew were good for myself. I gave myself a compliment, I encouraged myself, I bought myself gifts, etc.

7. Made “I am” declarations.
I had to affirm myself positively so I made declarations on my life. It was hard to believe the things I was declaring about my self but if I could believe the lies I could believe the truth too.

This was the hardest and I am still doing it every day and battling but it’s so worth it. One “I am” I believe now is “I am loved”.

8. Found things I am good at and worked towards doing them.
There is joy in knowing that you are good at doing something. When I stopped to search for the things I could do, I was so amazed.

Life has become so interesting with so many things to explore and work on.

It’s been an amazing journey so far and I don’t have plans of stopping now. I hope my journey inspires you to do well for yourself and start your own journey to self-love. Like I always say, please seek help if it’s hard. God be with you dearie.

So far, this has been what I and doing with regards to how to cultivate self-love.

Please leave a comment in the comment section on what you do when it comes to how to cultivate self-love. It will be so amazing to know yours too. Don’t forget to like and share. Wish you a love-filled week.

Till next time.

Yours truly,

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  1. love avenger

    Really great post ! Related to pretty much all of it ! Loved it !

    1. Afiya

      Thank you. Wow,that’s great to know. Thanks for reading and keep reading.

  2. Celestina

    I found out frm wat i juz read that to be able to knw who u are…?? i have to be at peace with myself… Nd always do things that brings me joy?

    1. Afiya

      Certainly dear. God bless you for reading and I wish you have an amazing journey.

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