I can’t do it anymore. This is a little bit too much. For just today, could you take it all away?
This ache, Lord, could it hurt less? This heart, Lord, could it be a little tougher? Could it be a little immune to the tears of others? Do I have to carry the burden of others? Dear God, you did this to someone you love? Did you really give one person so much pain in her life and make her susceptible to the pain of others as well? Dear God, was that your plan? Dear God, my heart feels heavy.
Dear God, have you mistaken me for Egypt? Why, Lord, is this darkness so tangible? I can touch it. This mind, Lord, could it not have an affinity to darkness. Dear God, today it doesn’t feel like all the battles are for a purpose. Dear God, today I am tired. Could you please give me a rest?
In my next life, Lord, could you please let the 0.71 in my account be rather the amount of grief and sadness I have all the days of my life?
Dear God, it feels like I am losing. I don’t feel like I have the strength to carry on, I don’t feel like I am meant to carry on. I feel numb. Lord, I am weary.
Dear God, like Jesus I cry. You gave me the right to call you father, you bought me at a price and you made me an heir to your kingdom so, like Jesus, I pray.
“O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt.”
Your will scares me Lord but I want to trust in you and believe you still hold me close. I want to trust that your plan for me is that I prosper, so like Jesus, I pray, let your will be done.
Dear God, even through all these breakdowns, I want to trust you love me just the same. I let it go now, take it all. Today I am going to cry all the tears out of my eyes and soul knowing you are right here by my side. It doesn’t make sense Lord, but you understand. I trust it will be ok. Till that day comes, thank you.
This was written last week. A very dark moment it has been these past few weeks but God is faithful. I am sorry I have been away from the blog. I just don’t want to just pour all my negativity here and be a possible trigger for someone.
I am sharing this though. So that you know that it’s a journey and sometimes you get back down. But I promise you it’s fine and that you will rise again.
How are you?