I was done with the pain, done with the hurt.
Done with the countless crisis and heart-racing.
Done with the countless nights on the hospital bed.
I was done.
Done with feeling invisible.
I wanted to be seen, I wanted to be heard and I wanted to be known.
I wanted to be me.
Me with all my insecurities and with all my failures.
Me with all my inadequacy and shame.
But somehow all I could be was a shadow.
So I was done.
Done with The constant banging of my heart’s door by death.
And I was ready.
Ready to give in.
Ready to occupy the empty grave Jesus left when he rose from the dead.
Be strong and courageous he whispered.
Be strong and courageous not because of anything you have done or can ever do.
Be strong and courageous because I am. Because I am with you.
Be strong and courageous because like Moses I will follow you by fire at night and clouds by day.
Like David, you will cut the giant’s head.
Be strong and courageous because I have plans for you.
Plans not to do you harm but to make you prosper.
I knew you.
When you were a clot of blood, I knew you.
I knew that the world will be against you.
I knew that the devil will constantly tell you lies.
Feed you with doubts and make you forget the heir you are.
I saw the abuse and the shame.
I have seen it all and yet I say, be strong and courageous.
In me, your inadequacy is made adequate.
Be strong and courageous when you lead or when you follow.
When the work overs you and when you create.
When life gets unbearable when you travel a new path when you don’t know where to go.
When you have to trust, when you have to wait, when all the doors close, When fear calls you by name.
Why?, because I am with you through it all.
I will never leave nor forsake you.
Be strong and courageous.