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I loved bible stories growing up as a child although I somehow never fully recalled each story. It was ok as long as I remembered the ones that meant something to me. I loved the stories that were told about young men that purposed in their hearts to do or not to do certain things because of the love and reverence for God.

I was already not doing so many things but being the church girl I was, I wanted to intentionally purpose in my heart not to do certain things. At this point, I know you can name a few. The funniest amongst them was my resolve not to fall in love until I was 18 years. I don’t remember exactly when I made that resolve but I am certain it was before I became a teenager. When I became a teenager, I began getting attracted to guys and having funny crushes on guys but I was always quick to shake it off, “odenshi“. After a lot of rejecting and concealing, I finally turned eighteen and as if the universe was marking time for me, a man appeared and I fell madly crazily heavenly heavily in love with him.

As I type this, I am as single AF[ that is Cindy’s way of describing singleness, I promise it’s not mine.] and that should tell you it didn’t go down so well with me and I wish I had known a couple of things before I fell in love, maybe that would have prepared me better.

I wish I knew that love was not unconditional.

I don’t know how that myth that says love is unconditional got planted in my head but somehow that was all I lived for. A partner who would love me unconditionally. I had this beautiful mental picture of my lover, a person who saw no fault about me because no matter how I was, he still loved me. I knew he loved me but that was not enough, I needed to know that he loved me unconditionally. That meant testing him – pretending not to love him, not appreciating him, doing hurtful things to him. I did everything my mind could think of as wrong to do a partner to him expecting that he would stay, that was the only way to know he loved me “regardless”. I failed to realize that I would not have spent another minute with him if he did half of the things I did.

There is a reason we fall in love with someone, always. There is an element that keeps you choosing to love someone. It’s not always materialistic but there is definitely always an element. It could be how happy he or she makes you feel, it could be anything but there is something. I wish I knew that love had conditions.

I wish I knew that love is a decision you make and not always a feeling.

I spent years waiting for the caterpillars to develop into butterflies and start flying in my stomach. Some never did, those that did die prematurely. It took me a while to understand that love was more of a conscious decision than an emotion. I wish I had known.

I wish I knew that sometimes your love will not be reciprocated.

I was not prepared for the possibility of loving a man and not getting back love in return. It was painful and my pride was hurt and crashed. I bet it would have been bearable if someone had given me a heads up.

I wish I knew that love was work.

Being in love is no joke. I did not know it was so much work with so much intentionality. Oh, the mental calculations of things to do and not to do for your partner. The conscious efforts to make them happy, the planning of dates, all of it. I wish I knew that being in love meant getting ready to make investments.

I wish I knew that age did not matter.

I would not know how to explain this but somehow I made myself believe that men of a certain age were capable of love in ways others were not. I convinced myself that growth came with an automatic knowledge and technical know-how about the thing called love. I wish I knew that love had everything to do with a person and their character but nothing to do with their age.

I wish I knew that love is not social media.

I would wake up ecstatic because I was on his DP or status the previous nights and as he reduced the number of times he did that, I began to question his love and commitment for me. I wanted men I was in a relationship with to flaunt me and all those things. I fought with one guy of mine, it was my birthday in a few days and I counted on his posting of my pictures on his dp and status to ascertain whether we were cool or not. I wish I had known that public display mattered very little.

I wish I knew that love was sweet.

If I had known love was sweet before I fell in love, maybe, just maybe I would have lowered my guard and enjoyed.

Have you ever been in love? What are the things you wished you knew before you fell in love or entered a relationship?

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Yours,

Afiya.