You are not alone.
It wasn’t so lonely anymore. I had Jo. She spoke my language and she understood me. She was there and had just the right words to get me going. She loved me the way I wanted to be loved, maybe because she had once been the one who needed to be loved. I had Jo.
I found myself in a situation that left me with suicidal thoughts and tendencies. That wasn’t the first but that was the darkest and the one that lingered.
I knew I didn’t want to end like that. I didn’t even matter to myself as much as my mother did to me. I couldn’t stand the thought of the pain I would cause her; she had suffered to get through to me and had made sacrifices to prove her love for me. I couldn’t repay her that way.
I needed those thoughts to go away but I could not control it. I pitied mom when I saw her face after I confided in her that I wanted to end my life. She cried, she prayed and she thought of ways to be better to make me feel better but she wasn’t the cause. She couldn’t understand. I couldn’t understand myself either.
Jo came to mind. Oh how could I not think of her? She definitely knew what I was dealing with and must have been through that too.
I quickly searched for her number and texted her. “Jo, have you ever had suicidal tendencies?” I don’t know what made me settle for a question like this as an initiation for this conversion because I believed beyond doubt that she had been there (I think I just concluded that since she could relate to every issue I had had in the past, she did with this too.). “No Ella, I deal with issues that are tough but nothing would ever make me want to take my life.”
I was scattered. Jo, the only person who was like me couldn’t relate to this. How broken was I then? What sort of life was I living? Her response only fired my desire to exit the surface of the earth. It suddenly became so lonely, lonelier than I had ever been and I was depressed.
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YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
Are you battling with issues in your life? Does it make you feel you are alone? Do you wish to know you are not alone or wish to know someone has ever been there? Do you keep your issues to yourself and bleed slowly to death and cry silently in the night because you have no one to share it with or are you afraid of being stigmatized?
I have been there. Do you know who else has been there? JESUS CHRIST OUR LORD. His death on the cross was one he alone could face. How do you think he was feeling when he cried to Father “let that cup pass me by”?
I don’t know the issues you are dealing with in your marriage, in your relationship, in your business but I know who understands perfectly. Jesus Christ. No man might relate to your struggles but Jesus Christ does. Believe me when I say man can do very little for you in your journey through life and your struggles but Jesus can give you the ultimate. Peace. He shall give you peace under the pressure.
Permit me to resound this to you. You are not alone. Christ awaits you to come to him and let him help you deal with those issues.
I overcame. It was long in coming but with Christ, I won. I know I am not immune to struggles and I live to face another someday but I know with Christ, they will not paralyze me.
In my subsequent post, I will talk about depression and share how I dealt with my depression with the help of Christ as well as the stories of others. I will be glad to share your story if you are willing. Just let me know.
To you who may feel like giving up in the battle of life, please hold on a little longer, Christ is coming through and he is nearer than you think. We will fight and will win. Please remember that you are never ever alone.